Not Just Surviving
by KatherineEverdair
Summary: Katniss Everdeen is the sole victor of the 73rd Annual Hunger Games at age 17, and has to learn to adjust to the new horrors that she must face. The other victors help her out, but her mother is disproving. Eventual Katniss/Finnick - Finniss The story is better than the summary. Oneshot. Complete.
1. Not Just Surviving

I'm clinging to Peeta's lifeless body in an attempt to keep him with me. He was just starting to open his eyes when Rue's crippled form came over to the cornucopia. Wait, _what?_ Rue died, I was there. She still has the spear in her stomach, and as she begins to walk closer and closer towards us, she pulls the spear out, and throws it at my torso. I'm not dead yet, though. Marvel, from district one, comes next, and shoots an arrow through my neck, and Cato, one through my temple. Clove came, and Glimmer, Foxface and Thresh, then Prim, and my father. Each with their own torturous way of killing me.

I bolted up in the bed, and it took me a while to realise that the screams that I was hearing were mine. I clamped one hand over my mouth, and pulled a jumper on over my nightgown. An avox must've heard my screams, because as I reached the door, there came a knock.

"Come in," I said hoarsely.

I had hoped to order some warm milk, but instead, I got Haymitch. Poor, old, drunken Haymitch. He must've read my mind, because he said; "No, sweetheart, the nightmares don't get any better, but after about 20 years, they get a bit easier to cope with." I can't form any words though, my throats too sore. He looks at me with harsh eyes, and then says, "you know, sweetheart, I'm not as uptight, or as dumb as you may think I am, okay?

I didn't know how to reply, so I didn't. He looks at me with so much pity that I want to slap him, but before I can even move, his eyes soften, and he envelopes me in a hug. The warmth of it, however, reminds me of when I had a father around to comfort me. If you mix the grief of missing him, with my nightmare, and the entire trauma of the games, then it brings on an inevitable flood of tears.

Haymitch just lays me on the bed and shushes me, stroking my hair, and sending me off to sleep with words of hope. Whispering about the good things, being back home in twelve, with Snow being a good, far distance away, seeing Prim again, and having her safe.

When I woke the next morning, I headed straight to breakfast. Haymitch must've fallen asleep next to me, and only gone recently, because his side of the bed is still warm. On the way to dining room, however, I was stopped by the undeniable stench of roses. I couldn't stop the gagging sound that I made, but, somehow sensing that it was for me, I poked my head into the spare bedroom, where Peeta had slept. Sure enough, there, on the quilt, was one pristine white rose, and a letter. I headed into the room, and saw that it _was_ addressed to me. The smell made me want to be sick, buy I picked the two up, and chucked the rose out of the window. Slowly, I opened up the letter, unsure of what was to come next. In it were the words;

 _Miss Everdeen,_

 _It was a pleasure to watch your games, and I know that many of your sponsors thought so too. That boy, Mr Peeta Mellark, by professing his love to you, seemed to make you very, desirable. As, I think, it would be fair to repay them, you are to 'pleasure' them, in whatever form they say. To the best of your ability, might I add, otherwise your dear family may become_ deathly _clumsy. So may your dearest_ cousins _._

 _Yours truly, Miss Everdeen,_

 _CS_

I don't know what to feel, anger, hatred, sadness, self-pity? Whatever it is makes me run into the dining room, turn on the stove, and burn the letter to a crisp. Washing the remains down the sink, I turn around to see a shocked Effie, and confused Cinna, and a worried Haymitch. They all stare at me, and then I realise that I have been crying. I wipe my eyes, and smile at Effie, who promptly returns to her magazine. Cinna, however, continues to look at me with a mix of curiosity, worry, and fear. When I look at Haymitch, his eyes lock with mine, and it feels like he is looking into my soul. Suddenly, his face pales dramatically, and he quickly jumps up to the phone in the wall. He punches in a number, and when the person pick up, I hear a very quiet nose on the other end, to which Haymitch says three words – yes, it's happened. It sounds like there's a crash on the other end, and then they both hang up.

When he returns to his seat, he rakes his hands through his hair, but stops halfway, and just sits there. Frozen. He looks up to me, hands still on his head, almost like he is trying to block the sound out of his ears. He mutters something along the lines of, "my fault", "boy being in love", "not that pretty", "Finnick". To which I creased my eyebrows together, widened my eyes, scoffed, and groaned, all in that order, to each of those little phrases.

Motioning for me to look at him, our eyes locked, and he told me not to worry, it won't start for another six months. I'll be seventeen by then. He then told me to meet him at his house tonight around seven, but to grab a bit of bread for breakfast and go to my room; we'll be there in less than five minutes.

I sprint to my room, and grab the few possessions that I have with me. My mother's reaping dress, my mockingjay pin, a few items of clothing that Cinna brought from the Capitol, including a soft pink dress for Prim, the clothes from my games, and a couple of the fancy chocolates. I shove it into a dark blue bag, and quickly get dressed in dark green, loose trousers, and a lighter green tight top, put a leather brown jacket over it, and head to the door of the train.

I've finished all my interviews with Ceaser, there's no one left in the Capitol to tell me how amazing it is that 'An outlining volunteer is the victor of the 73rd Games', so, there is nothing else left to do, until my victory tour. Honestly, it's just designed to bring back the pain for almost everyone in the districts, for everyone who loved a victim of the games. I have to go back and face the families of those I was allies with, of those I killed, and who's deaths I am responsible for. Altogether, I had two allies, and fives deaths to my name – Cato, Glimmer, Clove, Marvel, and the girl from four. I guess that you could count Peeta, since he was protecting me. Six. Six people dead because of me.

The train has now stopped, and I practically sprint the rest of the way to the door, with Haymitch surprisingly not too far behind. Mayor Undersee leads me onto the stage, and the whole crowd cheers for me, the first victor of twelve in twenty-four years. However, I stay up there for the shortest amount of time possible, because, as soon as I'm allowed, I race down the steps to Prim and my mother. I smile at my mother and give her a quick peck on the cheek, before enveloping Prim and lifting her up in my arms. Hers are around me in an instant, and lock into place. I don't ever want to have to let her go. But I do, and I take note of how bony she is, I must make her eat as soon as possible. As I put her down, I whisper into her ear.

"Happy birthday, little duck." Her smile is so wide, and she tries to speak, but nothing comes out. Instead, I put my finger over her lips, and whisper, "I can hardly speak, I understand." I give her a quick peck on her forehead, and then hear a voice I thought that I had heard for the last time.

"Hey, Catnip," Gale. In that instant, I jump up, and run the short distance towards him before I reach him. Time seems to slow down when we touch, and I latch my arms around his neck. He lets out a low chuckle, before he wraps his strong arms around my torso. I instinctively lift my legs up and wrap them around Gale.

It's not weird.

He started dating Madge just before the reaping. I bury my head in his shoulder and start sobbing lightly. Gale just seems to understand, even when I don't, and places me down. When I don't move my arms, he gives me a quick kiss on the head and says about going to our new house. The Hawthorne's are moving in with us so they can have a better life as well, not to mention the fact that the massive house would just be too empty without them.

Once we step inside, I'm pretty sure that Prim's jaw drops, but she quickly closes it. I think everyone does the same thing, actually, except for me. I guess the Capitol really has spoilt me. It's all quiet, until Prim and Rory sprint upstairs at the same time, leaving Gale and I laughing our socks off. My mother, Hazelle and Posy head into the kitchen area, so Gale and I decide to head upstairs as well. Gale leans over to me on the way up.

"I do hope they're not playing a round of kissy-kissy." He says it in such an un-Gale way, it almost shocks me, but I reply quickly.

"Well, I think that playing with the shower buttons is more dangerous," with that, he stops and looks at me with fear, then says, "I haven't had a shower for ages. Can you tell?" My face must look disgusted, but he quickly comes towards me making monkey sounds. We learnt about monkeys in school, apparently they existed before the dark days, and there are still some around, but only in zoos in the Capitol. The teacher showed us a video, and unfortunately, Gale is freakily good at impersonating. I washed with mint gel this morning, so I don't stink, but I don't particularly want to smell Gale, so I sprint up the stairs. When I get there, I stop in my tracks, the doors are open, and you can see the bedrooms from here. And they are amazing. They're somehow better than the ones in the penthouse in the Capitol, and on the train. I count them, there are six, and one bathroom, even though everyone probably has one anyway. There can be one for me, the master bedroom, one for Prim, one for my mother, one for Gale, one for Rory and Vick, and one for Hazelle and Posy. I headed into my new room, and unpacked my stuff.

 **A/N: Hey there, I had my other story which I am still doing, but I have been in Australia for the past three weeks so I couldn't upload anything because I only had my phone. Anyway, I read a really amazing story that actually follows the plot, and I thought that I would try something like that. So, here we are. Next chapter is coming very soon...**


	2. Meeting the Victors

Just after seven, I remembered that Haymitch told me to meet him at his house. My mother was in the middle of making dinner, so I told her where I was going, and I promised to be less than fifteen minutes. I pulled on my dad's old hunting jacket, and headed over to Haymitch's house. As I walked through the door, the scent of liquor was very strong, but, surprisingly, I found him very sober, and sat on the couch. With a guest.

"Sweetheart, this is Johanna Mason, victor of the 71st Hunger Games," says Haymitch, sighing and gesturing to a bored looking Johanna. "She's here to help you with your 'job'." I almost gagged at the prospect of selling myself to strange men, with purple hair, or orange teeth, or blue skin. "Water," is all I said, and I headed into the kitchen to be greeted by The Finnick Odair. Ugh.

"Katniss Everdeen. How nice to meet you. Our circumstances _are_ unfortunate, of course, but I'm sure we can get past that. In any case, I'm here to help you." I cock my eyebrow up at that, but he continues, nevertheless. "We are going to train. You need your _appointments_ to go well, and you need your _clients_ to be happy, don't we?" When Snow mentioned the deathly clumsy part, I assumed that that was the reason that Finnick acted so cocky all the time. No. He's just naturally annoying. And why was he in just a towel, but dry?

"Don't talk to me, Fishboy," I said, and sauntered out of the kitchen to see Haymitch and Johanna sucking face. I made a noise that was a cross between a gasp and a scream. Finnick came rushing in and shrieked when he saw them. The pair broke away for half a second before Haymitch said something along the lines of 'take him with you'.

I groaned. "Put some clothes on, Odair. I don't want my sister seeing you like that. Quickly. I'm not waiting for you." As he ran upstairs, I buttoned up my coat and went off outside. Just as I reached my front door, I heard him leaving Haymitch's house and running over to mine with his bag slung over his shoulder.

With his bronze locks flopping about, I can understand why how people see him as attractive. I mean, he's not ugly, but I guess about nine years of grief is also weighing down on him.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I get that this might be hard for you, but when I found out that I had to do it, I just wanted the news quickly, like when you rip off a bandage. I don't normally go around in a towel like you think I might, it's just because I had a shower, and I can't shower on the train because our escort, Letifah, will probably try to join me. I try to go back to the pre-games Finnick as much as possible, because he isn't that bad of a guy. Listen, I'm sorry, just let me help you."

"Fine, but we're not friends yet. It's just because of the whole Haymitch and Johanna situation. Be nice to Gale, he doesn't exactly like you 'cus of the whole 'I'm a prostitute' thing. And you're sleeping on the couch." He smirks at the last bit, and says, "You've got a deal, Fire Girl."

I lead him inside, and up to my bedroom, and tell him to put his stuff in my room so no-one goes snooping through it. I go downstairs into the kitchen, and see everyone sat around the dining table, and join them quietly. Everyone goes silent when they see me, but my mother starts plating up some food for me. When she hands it to me, I thank her, and start to speak.

"Hm. I hope no-one minds, but I'm afraid that we have a guest," Gale is beginning to look concerned. "Fishboy… Come in." At that he narrows his eyebrows, and I think he's hoping that it would be anyone but who it is.

When Finnick comes in, however, Gale spits out his drink. "What? Why is _he_ here?" Finnick looks confused for a second, then puts the pieces together.

"You must be Gale. Hello, everyone. Primrose. I will answer any questions, I don't want anyone mad or upset, but first things first. I'm here because I'm helping Katniss with something very important and I can't stay at Haymitch's. I will be here for two weeks, and for a week before the victory tour begins, and I will be staying on your sofa for those two times. Would anyone like to ask any questions or say anything, because, unfortunately, we will be quite busy for a majority of the time." To be honest, I'm quite impressed with how he handled that, but I do have one question.

"One thing. Does it really need that much training? That's like three whole weeks," I say, with an edge of doubt in my voice. "Oh, Fire Girl," he laughs. "Oh Fish Brains," I reply in the same manner.

He looks at me really seriously, staring at me in the eyes. "Do you really want to be unprepared?" No. Oh God no. I don't. I could lose everyone at this table, and be just like Haymitch. I'd have Finnick. Yay. Note the sarcasm. I look away, not wanting anyone to see how worried I am about this. My mother is the next person to pipe up.

"Yes. There is something," I take a sip of my drink of water to brace myself for whatever she could say. "I don't want a murderer staying in my house." I spit my drink all over her at that. I look at Finnick and I see he is just as shocked as I am, but there is a lot of hurt hidden in his eyes.

"Mother! A, this is not your house. B, how am I not a murderer? I killed a quarter of the tributes, didn't I? Ruined six families' lives. How is it any different?" She can't seem to answer, so I get up, put my plate in the sink, and leave the room, with Finnick following close behind.

"Katniss. Katniss, calm down. Don't worry, it's okay. Someday, we will be more than just murderers. Okay?" His voice is really soothing somehow, but I can't calm down. We must've been on that couch for at least half an hour when I finally managed to say something.

"Finnick, I don't want to be known as a murdering slut."

"Whore."

"What?"

"We'll be whores, not sluts. There's a difference." I look into his sea-green eyes, and notice something. Hope. Hope is always good. Just a little bit can break the barrier. That's what my dad always said. "We can start the training in a week, if that makes it any better. Or we can go to the Capitol in three weeks, where you can meets Cashmere and Gloss. Don't worry; they _are_ genuinely nice people, not proper, bloodthirsty careers like from two. They're just misunderstood. Would you prefer that?"

"Yeah, I would," I say whilst nodding. "Oh, by the way, you don't have to baby me, I need to be able to handle it whenever there's no-one to help."

"Whatever you want, Fire Girl." I narrow my eyes at the nickname. I don't really like anyone calling me that except for Cinna. I start walking upstairs to go to bed, but he follows me. I forgot that he left his bag here. I pass it to him, and he winks at me.

"Night Fish Boy."

"Ehh... Prefer it to fish brains."

 **A/N: thank you Gold1Fire for following this story. It's just starting out, so it will get better.**


	3. In the Woods

I woke up to a nightmare, again. This one was about losing Prim to the mines that my father died in. For some reason, this one seemed oddly real, unlike my last one with all the dead tributes killing me. I realise that I am still screaming, and I see Gale, Prim and my mother in my door way. Prim and Gale look genuinely concerned, but they don't know how to help me. They know why it's happening, though. Unlike my mother, who asks; "Why is she screaming?"

Just then, Finnick comes in. "It's a victor thing." He hands me a mug of hot milk, and I thank him. He sits on the end of the bed. "Just remember this – if it's really bad, and I'm not here, splash water on her, and get far away. Make sure that there are no weapons near her. Never, and I mean _never_ wake a sleeping victor. Got it?"

Prim nods and leaves. Gale seems to be scanning my face, maybe for any actual physical pain. He sends me a weak smile and shakily says, "stay safe, Catnip." My mother, however, stays put.

"How would you know all that? You're just assuming that it was a nightmare. Her games weren't even that bad." What? How does she have the right to say that? Why is she acting so strange?

"I know that because the girl I loved was a victor, and she went mad. I had to help her, because she had no-one. She lost her family to a boating accident years earlier. Being in the games messes you up, she saw her district partner being beheaded. We both had nightmares, until she overdosed on her depression medication a couple months ago. They don't stop. Mine haven't, Haymitch's haven't, Johanna's haven't, Cashmere's haven't, Gloss' haven't, Blight's haven't, Chaff's haven't, Mags' haven't, and she's 81! Katniss' won't, so you might wanna get used to waking up at weird hours every night."

My mother just crosses her arms and walks out, but not before saying, "I don't want you being friends with all those people, Katniss."

Finnick sighs and looks back to me, "They just want to help you. They never wanted to kill anyone, trust me." I nod and take a sip of my drink. "Did I wake you?" I ask.

"Not really, I was half awake, I just woke up from a nightmare myself. I don't scream though. I just lie there, paralyzed with fear until I finally come to. I don't find much relief in waking though. The worst nightmares are the ones that you realise were, or could be, real."

I nod in agreement. Mags… She's had to suffer 63 years of nightmares and pain. I really don't want to have to do that. But what choice do I have? I didn't realise Annie Cresta had died... It was winter a couple of months ago, I must've been too busy hunting.

"Finnick, would you like to come hunting with me tomorrow?"

"Hunting? Where would we hunt? This district is tiny." He looks genuinely confused and I can't help but smirk at this little bit of innocence.

"I never said it was in the district. Gale and I used to go out hunting every day before the games. It took up most of my time, honestly, the acquisition of food. I don't have to do it anymore, but I want to. Gale can't, he has to work in the mines since he's eighteen now. It's better being in the woods." I think of all the good times that I had in the woods with Gale and my father.

"Is that why you can shoot?" I must've looked confused because he continued. "I mean, that girl from one had the arrows at the start, and you seem pretty determined to get them. And it wasn't just an amateurs shot that got the guy from one, was it? And the boy from two? You hit his hand perfectl-"

"Yeah, I get it, I kill people just like I kill rabbits. Is there a point?"

"Not really. I _would_ like to go with you," he says it with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Good. Now let me sleep. We're going at eight," I say whilst leaning back onto my pillow. I'm out as soon as I am lie down.

The next morning, I wake up at half past seven, and get into the shower. They're different from the ones in the Capitol, but I still manage to find the mint gel without too much of a problem. I get out, and it blow dries my hair, so I wrap a towel under my arms and go and find some clothes. As soon as I step out of the en-suite (Effie taught me that word) bathroom, I'm attacked by that stupid cat. He's clawing at my face. I quickly look over, and I see that the door is closed. Did he get in through the window? I use my free hand to lift his fat body off of me, and put him on the window sill ledge. I get dressed quickly and call for Prim.

"What's wrong, Katniss?" she asks, looking very concerned. I point out to the window.

"That stupid cat found us," I say, dabbing some water over where the scratches made me bleed. Prim opens the window, picks the cat up, and whispers a thank you, and leaves. I head downstairs and grab my game bag. I fill it with food; bread, apples, some duck, and some goats cheese from Lady; that Prim made. I put my father's hunting jacket on, and see Finnick waiting at the door.

"Hello, Fire Girl," he says, in what I'm assuming is an attractive way. I say hello back, and he puts a coat on as we leave. We talk whilst walking over the meadow, I say about Prim's goat, he says about life in 4, and it is actually quite nice. I pull my bow and arrows out of the hollow log, and I walk over to the nearby tree to get Gale's set. I hand them to him, and he asks the question I didn't know I was dreading.

"What's going on between you and Gale? I mean he calls you Catnip-"

"Nothing's happening between us, trust me. He's got a girlfriend and I'm too messed up to be anyone's," I reply, but I know that there is nothing romantic between Gale and I, our friendship is purely platonic. "He's like a brother to m- shh…"

I've seen a squirrel, a fat one, up in the tree about ten metres away. It's an easy shot. I draw my arrow, pull back, and shoot. Suddenly, I'm reminded of when I shot Marvel, how he crumpled, how I murdered him, and other animals so easily. I fall back, and land on a smooth rock. Finnick sees, though, and sits with me, and gives me a drink of water. He understands what is happening. Quickly, I snap out of it, and thank Finnick. I go over, and pick up the squirrel, but soon realise that I missed it and hit something else. A mockingjay. I take the badge off of my shirt, and compare them. The badge is pretty much exact.

"A symbol and the animal it was named after," says Finnick. What?

"Why am I a symbol?" he freezes his actions then.

"Well, you know. Your games were pretty special. An outlining girl winning against a massive career. It's not something people just ignored." Oh. I keep walking. "Where are we going, Fire Girl?"

"We are going to the lake. There's a little field above it with some rocks and logs that Gale and I used to sit on, and there are some strawberry and blackberry bushes that are ripe now."

Once we get there, I set the bag down on a rock, and put my feet in the water. It's nice and cold, luckily the sun is very hot today. I take all the food out, whilst Finnick picks some blackberries, which taste surprisingly nice with the duck. We put some of the cheese on the bread, and put some thin slices of apple over it. The whole thing is gone in less than ten minutes.

Whilst we are eating, we talk of home and friends. All of Finnick's friends are victors, he says it's safer, because Snow can't kill victors. He lost his family, and only has Mags who is like a mother figure to him. There's Johanna, and Haymitch, but they're not exactly the endearing type. I decide in that moment that befriending Finnick wouldn't be the worst idea, we both need someone who actually understands. Of course, at the moment, he is a lot worse off than I am, but we can help each other, I hope.


End file.
